Concerns of the Heart

Hello there, 

I told you before about an event that I organize. It is in two days. My task is finding three speakers. I manage to find them but 2 of them canceled. But, I spare one backup. However, there is another empty place for a speaker. 

So, some people help me and I thank those people so much. 

The director thank them too.

I smile, happy that everyone appreciate them.

Today, a person says that it is inappropriate for the director to thank them publicly because my team and I also work very hard to obtain the third speaker. The way he thanks them as if my team and I not doing anything to get the third speakers. Not just a person says this, it is a few of people and some of them are not really close to me.

I am speechless when I hear that. 

I am not sure what I feel. 

It hurts a little but is it for me or for the people who help me? 

I want to say that I never feel that way. I want to say that I don't mind. 

But in sudden, I do mind. Since the very beginning, the director never thank my team and I about anything, no matter how hard we work. That is because he never realize it. Just the people around me notice our hard work. 

I won't call it hard work though. I don't work truly hard for this forum. Just enough work for it to run smoothly. 

But, somehow I know this is not the feeling that I should have in my heart. I shouldn't feel mad or angry for what the director did. It was his right to thank anyone he appriciates. 

I feel like crying but I can't. Not in front of my family. Not in front of my friend.

I wish I can go out with that person, the only person I trust and cry in front of him. 

Where are you? I need you. Please, come back. Where have you been in these four months? Without contacting me. and why? 

Why did you do this to me? What I made that make you go away? 

I guess I just have to find another alternative to soothe my painful heart. 

Tell me if you have any suggestion.